I love eating seafood. If it swam... swum.... swimmed... did some swimming at some point in its life, there’s a good chance I’ll at least try it.
Thanks to a drumming gig at a club on Hilton Head island the summer after I graduated from college, I’ve been treated to a plethora of seafood eating experiences. Part of my contract included three of the following: a private suite with an attached swimming pool; a $1,200 weekly clothing allowance; two meals per day at an incredible seafood restaurant; a bright red 1972 Porsche; and free golf on some of the finest courses in the country (I’m not a golfer, so I have to rely on friends’ opinions on this matter. Feel free to fact check. I don’t want to be accused of spreading fake news. It could have a massive negative impact on my viewership. Is this too much information to include parenthetically? Did I ask JUST so I could use the word parenthetically? And you were all still impressed with my earlier use of the word “plethora.” Spelled correctly too. Thanks to spell check).
New paragraph, because it feels like it's appropriate. Obviously, the provision of seafood for lunch and dinner each day was one of the inclusions in my contract. If you knew me, you’d understand I couldn’t spend $1,200 on clothing in a year, not to mention per week -- even at today’s prices. While the Porsche would have been spectacular, it wasn’t part of the agreement, either. Everything else was included. You’ll undoubtedly observe the similarities in my contract to one of Bono’s.
Eating shrimp in more forms than those Bubba listed in “Forrest Gump,” having crabs (that sounds bad) of many sizes, shapes and colors, and trying exotic fish like swordfish, blue marlin and shark, are some of the dining highlights from that summer. While I appreciate the education I received regarding seafood, the euphoria of consuming splendidly prepared dwellers of the high sea ruined my enjoyment of Long John Silver’s for life.
I’ve decided 2017 should include a return to the gourmandization of various oceanic delectables. It's only mid January and I’ve already had Alaskan King Crab, Alligator (twice), three forms of shrimp, frog legs (don’t judge -- they were dead), blue gill and, yes, mussels. I realize the obtaining of mussels is a predictable New Year’s resolution but I couldn’t resist. It also took MUCH less time than people seem to believe.
Sea you later alligator, in awhile crocodile!