I’ll do anything for a sticker. I’ve even given blood. In this instance, I only needed to plug my nose. While I won’t reveal who I voted for this election, I WILL tell my readers it required writing. I’m sure this revelation will create quite the buzz among my readership.
Speaking of readerships, sincere congratulations are in order... to me. As a result of the valuable insights, colorful commentary of current events, occasionally accurate punctuation, as well as the sheer entertainment value found in my blogs, my musings are now read from coast to coast! My staff is shocked at this development, and the fact that it occurred in a matter of weeks! Who would have thought I could so quickly have readers on not only the west coast, but also the EAST coast of Ottawa County? I blush.
Back to the sticker story. As I stared at the names printed on my ballot, I pinched myself, very hard, and rubbed my eyes one final time. Could these REALLY be the two nominees representing the major parties in our enormous country? Apparently so. Having predetermined I couldn’t get myself to vote for either, the crook or the clown. (You can determine which was which. I found the roles seemed to switch on a daily basis.) I now had an enormous field from which to choose the lucky recipient of this highly influential blogger’s 2016 Presidential vote.
I quickly narrowed the massive list down to the two most obvious choices. Should it be Bill Murray or Steve Carell? Now please don’t call me a sexist. I just believe Kristen Wiig is still a little too young for the position. She’ll get my vote next sticker, I mean election. It’s inarguable that my finalists are ready immediately to hold the highest office in the land. I just needed to determine which was most deserving.
I think, due to height, Bill would certainly look more presidential. Steve, on the other hand, already has experience in Office and is a slightly snappier dresser. I considered their words. Both are frequently quoted. My golf friends know every Bill Murray line from Caddy Shack. “It’s in the hole. It’s in the hole.” Or from the best movie of all time, What About Bob? “Faye, is this corn hand shucked?”
When it comes to The Office references, my daughter can rip off Michael Scott lines at the drop of a hat. “I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.” Or, who can forget “I DECLARE BANKRUPTCY!”
Since voting is supposed to be confidential, I fear I’ve already said too much. Therefore, I’ll leave the masses in suspense as to whose name I eventually penciled in.
If you’re celebrating the results of the election, congrats. If you’re in mourning, stop your whining and get those Kristen Wiig posters made! There are only four years until the next presidential sticker give away!